Ticket to you

Forever and a day
is the time it will take
for me to walk away from you
until now, when this
distance speaks for itself,
crowding this space
suffocating each deep inhale
with truth of this all.

I'm tired and my bones
are heavy, cowering
to hold up my heart by
the strings woven
throughout promises with
no thought-made,
because you don't know
what weight your words bear.

Our languages are different
and lost on eachother,
our energies are combative,
our will is wary,
yet it's hard for me to imagine
being engulfed in anything else
because of the few moments
you've stolen my breath
and the whole scene we've
played in both our heads.

I'm holding onto this
for reasons I don't have
and I've never felt so alone
in a relationship
or undervalued or misunderstood
and it seems so simple that
I'd just leave this behind,
but I love you,
and I have a ticket to you;
I don't know how to be true to me
no matter what I do.

How do I exist
outside of this
when the thing that's filling me
is also killing me?