May this be right

The tears came at a surprising place
at a surprising pace- as they flooded down
my cheeks, leaving streaks in my cover-up,
breaking me up into two distinct parts
of before now and after now.
Two faces, two lives, two hearts,
two streets, two pages, two dreams,
too many in-betweens.

I didn't cry when I said goodbye,
sunken beneath that Midwestern sky;
my heart was light, there was no fight
to be in that peaceful "until next time."
It stayed that way
until I got home- and saw the havoc
of the time before this time.
Paintings half-stroked, fires half-stoked,
music drifting over broken glass, piles of lists
kisses with fists.

This was this.  That was that.
This seemed to be so much easier
when I lived in a world that wasn't mine.
How could this fit
in my life, to say goodbye, to you?
The truest truth of trues, my deep blue.
There's a heaviness to this losing you,
to not know what more to do,
to have traveled so far,
that I have to even choose.

Because you're my best friend
and so much more than I'd ever imagined.
There aren't words for the sensation of
letting you down,
or how it feels to know
I have to honor this,
and it has already broken my heart.
You've been the only thing
unfailingly true-
and it makes no sense why it's you
and me, here.

But I feel this.
May this be right.  Because this will be hard.