Eternal sunshine

The sunshine outside my window
deceived me today, when I woke
because it smelled like rain-
and I felt the weight dense air bears
before a clouds about to break-
we sat in that gray.  For so long, love.

But it was today, I knew
would be the last day.
So I savored the small anxious moments
before I lost you
and you weren't mine any more.

It's black and white now;
I can't dispute our reason
and I won't be the one thing standing in your way
I won't tug your dress hem and look at you the way I do-
I sang you my heart song as you moved to the door
creaking over my soul's floorboards.
And I didn't stop with the click of the lock.

I held on as tightly as you held on to me.
Now it's time to leave. 


I tried to take a shower to wash the ache from me
I stared at my ribs and saw the emptiness
                my chest and watched my heart slide
                down into my gut, where it's rested awhile.
I tried to get clean- and took in my nude body
and all I saw was you.  Me and you.
I never felt alive until we made love.

That's the truth.
This goodbye tastes bad on my tongue
but I know I need to swallow it any way.
Because I'm hungry for change.
I'm scared of all I've yet to feel.
I'll Eternal Sunshine my mind to erase you
but I'll still find traces of you.  In me.